


And I Wish

by serapheim



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Accidental meeting, Angst, Cancer, Coping, First Love, Hurt, Implied Character Death, Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Romance, Terminal Illnesses, Wishes, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2013-06-12
Packaged: 2017-12-14 17:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serapheim/pseuds/serapheim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since he met him, he doesn’t stop wishing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Wish

**Author's Note:**

> This story has triggers related to terminal illness. Please, proceed with caution.  
> request done for maquillage_x @ livejournal

His hand feels small and fragile in mine. The skin is almost transparent, and the veins give it a bluish shade. He is in pain, I can see it, can almost feel it, the tiny wrinkles around his mouth and the way he keeps swallowing give it away.  
   
But in spite all that he looks calm. His eyes are sad, but it is a sadness caused not by grief, but by a quiet acceptance of his fate. Those are the eyes of a dying man.  
   
I guess this acceptance is what angers and hurts me most. It feels as if he has given up all hope, as if he doesn’t want to fight anymore. And maybe he doesn’t and maybe he has accepted his fate, but I have not and I do want him to fight.  
   
I hurt for him. I know that he can feel my grief as easily as I can feel his pain. His hand in mine clenches just a little in an idle attempt to return my squeeze. He smiles so beautifully that I want to cry. But there are no tears left, my eyes are unpleasantly dry.  
   
“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine in the end,” he says.  
   
And I wish I could believe him.  
   
*****  
   
Cancer. The word sounds like a death sentence. “But it is not,” he says, “it doesn’t have to be one.” Still it pains me to know that one day he would be gone and I would be left alone. I want to scream and accuse God of taking him from me.  
   
He is so calm, almost serene, about it all. It seems as if he knew it would end like this. As if he had time to reconcile himself with this thought. It is disturbing, because all I can think of is how many days there are left for him or dread the moment he is gone.  
   
He reads me like an open book as always. He smiles and hugs me. And that simple gesture breaks something within me and I start crying unable to stop myself. His hand gently brushes my hair as I clench him tight, sobbing.  
   
He is stronger than I thought. Instead of me who is supposed to comfort and support him, he is the one holding me and letting me pour all my pain and grief. I am the one who despairs not him.  
   
And I wish I weren’t the one doing the crying.  
   
*****  
   
It is bliss to wake up with the feel of him in my arms. I open my eyes and see his face close to mine. He is as beautiful as we first met. His dark blond locks and a gentle smile are those of an angel. His body is turned to me and he is half-curled around me like a kitten.  
   
I can’t resist the urge anymore and lean to place a kiss on his nose. He murmurs something, slowly wakening. Opening his eyes he blinks few times and then smiles sleepily.  
   
He moves closer and uses my chest as a pillow. One arm goes around me as he snuggles closer.  
   
“Mornin’,” he says.  
   
I brush fingers through his hair and I swear I can hear him purr. I kiss that mop of hair and smile.  
   
“Morning,” I say.  
   
I wish I could stop the time and live in this moment forever.  
   
*****  
   
He laughs at my jokes. And he blushes at my innuendos. But he does nothing and there is no way I can tell how he feels about me. And I am not so good at making first move.  
   
So I drink my beer and he drinks his wine and we both wait for another to do something. And we keep talking about silly things, like movies and cars, about future carriers and ex-girlfriends. But it is not what I want to talk about and I don’t know what he is thinking.  
   
I keep smoking and he keeps making faces when I blow the smoke accidentally in his direction. He is so cute when he does that. And my heart beats painfully in my chest every time when he laughs. Because I long for him with every cell of my body.  
   
“A penny for your thoughts?” Words break the reverie I was in and I glance up at him. He’s moved closer to me in the booth without me noticing it. I can smell his cologne and it makes my head swirl.  
   
“It’s nothing,” I try to brush it off, but it turns out that I am a bad liar, because he says, “Let me guess”.  
   
“Try,” I challenge him.  
   
And then his lips brush over mine and it is so sweet and so gentle and so quick to end that I can barely believe it has actually happened.  
   
He leans back and his dark eyes are apprehensive and uncertain, but underneath it all I can see true passion. I curse myself a fool. And I lean to capture his lips in a full kiss to dispel any doubts.  
   
And I wish I hadn’t waited for so long to do that.  
   
*****  
   
I walk so engrossed in my thoughts that I bump into someone. The pile of books I was carrying slips out of my grasp and the items scatter over the pavement. Crouching to pick up my things I barely notice that a person I ran into is helping me. I straighten finally and see a young man holding out to me the rest of my books.  
   
“I’m sorry,” he says, although obviously it was my fault in the first place. I nod, not knowing what to say, as I stare at him helplessly.  
   
He is handsome. Dark blond hair, dark eyes, open face and a gentle smile. He looks young, although probably we are of the same age.  
   
Neither of us moves and I can see a blush start creeping up his face. Finally clearing my throat I manage to hold my books with one hand awkwardly as I extend my hand and introduce myself: “Park Yoochun.”  
   
His hand feels small and warm in mine. And I have a sudden thought that I would have enjoyed holding his hand. Forever.  
   
“Kim Junsu.”  
   
And I wish…  
   
*****  
   
 _Written: Saturday, August 12, 2006_  
 _Revised: Tuesday, 11 June, 2013_


End file.
